Oven Fires and Bare Bottoms

Although I already posted part of this story on my Facebook page, I just have to tell on myself (in detail).

Mostly because everyone on the planet can use a laugh. 

This morning I was making a large batch of cinnamon rolls. 

In my usual "hurry-up-while-the-kids-are-otherwise-occupied!" mode, I crammed too rolls many in the baking dish.  

As they were baking, the rolls rose out of the dish and the superfluous amount of butter dripped down the sides of the dish--onto the oven elements.

The oven elements ignited. 

I was on the phone with my husband when I began to smell something carbon-y and saw black smoke pouring out of the oven.

"I'm going to have to call you right back, honey," I said.  

I opened the oven door, and the butter pool at the bottom of the oven was on fire.  


So was the heating element on the right side of the oven.

I shut the oven door.

"Don't freak.  Stay calm," I told myself.  

Out loud. 

 I wanted to get the cinnamon rolls out so they wouldn't be ruined. 

 But I didn't have time.

 I threw flour on the fire.

But the flour IGNITED.

"Crap!" 

 About that time, the smoke alarms started going off.

The boys were in the bathtub.

  

Timothy (5) did exactly what he was supposed to do; he grabbed Matthew (2) by the hand and proceeded to execute our "family fire plan"...which is, to meet in the middle of the park across the street.

But they were naked.  With bubbles on their bottoms.  And their bath toys in tow.

By this time, I'd given up hope of saving the cinnamon rolls and threw a huge glass of water on the fire, which was now consuming over half of the oven. 

 

I shut the oven door and yanked the unit away from the wall in order to unplug it. 

The kitchen and dining room were full of choking grey smoke.

But, thank God, the fire was out. 

I got the boys back inside and dried their precious, freezing-cold bodies off (with dishtowels).

And (somehow), the cinnamon rolls were saved.

They taste only a teensy bit like smoke and flour ash. 

And the blasted oven, which was built in 1974 and only recently received a spray-painted coat of white over it's "Harvest Gold" original self, STILL IS NOT DEAD. 

It's older than I am. 

I guess they don't make things like they used to.

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P.S. - I am married to "Mr Safety"; after I called him back and calmly revealed the details of the fire, he reminded me that I do have a fire extinguisher under the kitchen sink.  While I did remember it was there, the fire was not quite at the level yet for me to "pull the pin".  But believe me...I was glad it was there.

Do you have an extinguisher in your kitchen?  Just wondering...

P.P.S. - I have also learned that one should throw baking soda, not flour, on flames such as these.