Nutella-Chocolate Chunk Granola

This granola is not healthy.  Don't be fooled.  And please don't sue me because you have been "misled" by advertising and think Nutella is actually good for you. 

That's like believing Lucky Charms is "part of this complete breakfast."  Remember that one? 

Or Sunny D.  Who on earth thinks Sunny D is a healthy beverage?  (If you know someone who does, please let them know I have some oceanfront property for sale here in Arkansas...)

For real.  Did you hear about the woman who successfully (!) sued the makers of Nutella because she was "duped" into believing it was a health food and fed it to her daughter on a regular basis?  She won the $3.05 million suit.  Unbelievable.  This makes my hair catch on fire.  Oh, I have an idea.  Instead of dodging all nutritional accountability (and every other sort of accountability), why don't we try reading labels?     

And did you see this:  "As part of the settlement, anyone in the U.S. who purchased Nutella between January 1, 2008 and February 3, 2012 (or for Calif. residents between August 1, 2009 and January 23, 2012) can file a claim. People can claim their purchases until July 5, 2012 and expect $4 for a single purchase and up to 5 jars for a maximum award of $20 per household." (Source:  CBS News)

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND DECENT, DO NOT CASH IN ON THIS CLAIM!

Consider this a public service announcement.

Now that I've stirred that pot, let's get on with this cellulite-causing but DELICIOUS recipe, shall we? 

Start by mixing old-fashioned oatmeal, ground flax seeds, and ground walnuts.

In a saucepan, melt coconut oil, agave nectar (or honey), and almond butter. 

(Agave nectar provides sweetness without the dreaded sugar rush and subsequent crash.) 

And then stir in a tablespoon of vanilla. 

What we're going to do next will blow your mind.  And your diet.

Heavens to Mergatroid! 

You'll burn a few calories attempting to stir it all together. 

Then place the granola on a parchment-paper-lined baking sheet and bake for about 45-50 minutes at 275 degrees, stirring every 20 minutes or so.

After it's cooled, add some chopped dark chocolate and slink off to a dark corner and stuff your face.

Or take the more reserved approach and gingerly sprinkle it over yogurt. 

Either way, it's crazy good.

Here's the printable recipe.

Nutella-Chocolate Chunk Granola

Makes about 8 cups

5 cups old-fashioned rolled oats

1 cup ground walnuts (or any nut; can be coarsely chopped)

1/2 cup ground flax seeds

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

3 tablespoons coconut oil

2/3 cup agave nectar (or honey)

1/2 cup Nutella

1/4 cup almond butter (or peanut butter)

1 tablespoon vanilla

1/4 cup cocoa powder (I used Special Dark)

2 tablespoons hot water

2-3 ounces dark chocolate, chopped into chunks

Mix together the oats, nuts, flax seeds, and salt in a large bowl.  Set aside.

In a saucepan over low heat, mix the coconut oil, agave nectar, Nutella, and almond butter.  Stir constantly until the mixture is pourable.  Add in the vanilla.  Remove from heat.

In a small bowl, whisk together the cocoa powder and the hot water until a thick paste forms. Stir into the Nutella mixture.  

Pour Nutella/cocoa mixture over oat/flax seed mixture.  Mix well with a sturdy wooden spoon.

Heat oven to 275 degrees.  Spread granola on a large baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Bake for 20 minutes.  Remove from oven and stir the granola while it's on the baking sheet.  Bake for another 20 minutes and stir again.  Bake for an additional 10 minutes.  Remove from oven and allow to cool.  (Although the granola will still be chewy when you remove it from the oven, it will become a bit more crunchy as it cools.)

After the granola is completely cool, stir in the chocolate chunks and store in an airtight container. 

Recipe adapted from the wonderful blog Phemomenon